Note the positive

The papers are full of all the usual new year's stuff today and much of it isn't helpful in my opinion because it asks us to focus on weaknesses or where we have gone wrong in 2009.

I find that clients who list their weaknesses or their problems paying little attention to any of their strengths find it harder to make significant changes than those who may feel dissatisfied with their life but can identify some positives.

I have just read one article which reminded me of the value of making a note of the positives , every day. The idea is that every night before going to sleep we pick out two or three happenings of the day about which we feel positive. Two or three things we have done or experienced which brought positive energy into our life. And then we go to sleep surrounded with positive energy.

sleep well tonight

keep your dreams alive

I have one or two clients at the moment who have lived through really hard times this year. Financial problems, relationship breakdown ...... really its not been a good year.

They both remain optimistic in very different ways because they both have dreams. One is and has been clear about how they want their life to be, ever since they first came into coaching, and despite all the setbacks they have kept their dreams alive.

The other lost sight of any dreams for a while but kept in touch with me with messages that soon they'd be coming back to coaching to kick start the next chapter of their life. Their dream for now is just to live quietly and at peace so that they can rediscover their passion, their ambition, their awareness that they can have the life they'd really like. They know that possibly not today or even this week but one step at a time; if we keep our dream alive, we are on our way.

Are you heading in the right direction ?

Another way of thinking about making a fresh start in the new year is to imagine an ulitimate goal but for the time being plan to just head in that direction. This might work when your energy is low and you feel that setting up a big goal and detailed action plan is just too much; its so daunting you don't even get started.

But if you can keep yourself heading in the right direction, making tiny changes or taking action in new ways but in tiny steps you will build up momentum. Then when your energy levels are higher and you have reconected with some self belief it may feel like the right time to take a bigger step or challenge yourself to reach a bigger goal.

You can set off on a long journey by motorway with a map marked to show the places you'll stop for coffee or petrol, or an overnight rest ..... or you can set off along the smaller roads, checking that you're heading in the right direction when you stop for a break or a walk or to take a photograph. The first way is probably the quickest and most economical but if you hate driving on motorways it will also be the most stressfull !

So ask yourself today, am I heading in the right direction? If the answer is yes, that's great, if not, can you make that turn towards the direction you want to travel right now ?

Its that time of the year again;what are you going to take up ?

Yes, its that time of the year again when coaches get phone calls from local newspapers and radio stations asking for helpful hints about new year's resolutions.

First let me say you can make a fresh start in any area of your life at any time. If you have a resolution in mind ..... why not start right now ? No really .... why not start right now ?

Secondly, giving things up can seem negative and backward looking so to make a fresh start think positive and think future. To give up chocolate ( hard to imagine I know) sounds horrible but to take up eating just one piece of lovely well chosen chocolate per day sounds attractive and possible.

For now that's the helpful hint ... think positive.

What are you going to take up in 2010?

get outside into the light

Two current clients reported that they suddenly started feeling tired and a bit listless in the last couple of weeks. As I asked them to consider this it became clear that they spent almost all their time indoors, or in a car or bus. During the summer months its easier to get outside in the evenings and weekends and so we draw in energy from the light in a natural way. We don't have to think about it; we just know its good to be outside as often as we can.

But once the clocks go back, especially here in the north of England there is suddenly less light in our ordinary day. I'm out early with my dog and this year am still walking from 6.00am because then I see the sun come up and that makes my day longer. One client chose not to get up that early (I won't tell you what they said when I asked if that might be possible) but instead aims to walk to a sandwich shop whenever possible, to buy their lunch and walk back. The other is doing the "get off the bus a stop early" routine often suggested as part of an overall fitness campaign.

Both feel a bit better and this might be because they are moving about more and being out in the light must be helping too.

So if you're feeling tired and listless ...... get outside into the light for twenty minutes at least once a day. I'm sure you will notice an improvement in your mood before too long from this small but powerful change.

A poem I received by email

Slow Dance This is a poem written by a teenager with cancer. SLOW DANCE Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Do you run through each day On the fly? When you ask How are you? Do you hear the reply? When the day is done Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores Running through your head? You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, Not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say,'Hi' You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away. Life is not a race. Do take it slower Hear the music Before the song is over. ---------- -- -------- Dr. Dennis Shields, Professor Department of Developmental and Molecular Biology 1300 Morris Park Avenue Bronx , New York

asking the right questions

This is a much greater challenge than many of us realise . Asking questions is quite difficult for some people but asking the right questions at the right time in the right way is a challenge we all face.

Sometimes we ask in a tone of voice which confuses our listeners, sometimes we only realise the question we could have asked hours after the event and I'm sure many of us have asked the right question at the wrong time.

Its a skill to practice and when training to be a coach I had to practice asking clients questions in many different ways, directly and indirectly, questions to speed up thinking, questions to encourage reflection, questions which can be answered easliy and questions which can't be answered at all.

Think about the questiosn you ask yourself this week, if you asked them in a different way .... would you get a different answer ?