When you have too many ideas life is tough

Some of my clients come into coaching because they don't know what to do to improve their lives. I think they've had too few opportunities to consider what they want or they have the idea that thinking "I want ..." is somehow wrong. I think its great to say to oursleves "this is where I would like to head for, this is what I'm prepared to work for," taking into account our families and friends and where we are at the moment.

What can be even harder is coaching people who have too many good ideas. People who can see several exciting possible journeys ahead of them and can't decide which way to go. Life can be really tough for people in this situation because the more they struggle to choose the more they seek the perfect idea, the 100% best way forward.

For those people I suggest a return to a sense of personal values. What do you hope people say about you when you're not there to hear ? How would you like friends, colleagues and so on to describe you to a stranger ? Get back to a sense of who you are and who want to be and see if that makes some ideas closer to your heart than others.

its easier with a coach

Well as promised I re-viewed my ideas about my ideal life in 2018 .... and as has happened before I noticed that on my own, when I'm doing this without talking to anyone about it .......... my ambitions shrink. My goals become rather ordinary and not very exciting or motivating.

With my coach its easier to be really ambitious because if I'm not ,she challenges me with questions like "And would that be enough?" or "Would that mean you'd say "Yes this is the best life for me ?" or is there anything else ?

And there usually is something else, often buried deep in my day dreams.

Day dreaming is great. Describing your ambitions is fantastic but creating the vision of the life you'd really like is easier with a coach.

Where to go next ?

so assuming everyone has a way of saying"well done me" and awarding meaningful treats when we achieve a goal, where do these goals come from ?

Even the word goal puts some people off and they prefer an ambition or target or purpose or even the next step.

Here's a common coaching activity to try. Imagine your life in ten years time if everything goes well. What is your daily routine, who is around, what makes you happy and what makes you sad ? Try to see your life and to hear what you and others say about your life ? Do you feel differently at that imagined time ? Create the most vivid picture possible over an hour or two and then if you like what you have imagined ... there's your goal. For more on goals and goal setting see www.coachingatthenextlevel.biz

This is harder than it seems and I'm going to try it for myself again today and then post my reflections later.

talking about treats

I've mentioned this to four people today and none had a clear idea of how they mark an achievement or give themselves a treat when they've sent a goal and reached it. None were coaching clients by the way as coaching encourages goal setting and the rewarding of effort.

Me ? treats include a short nap in the middle of the day, half an hour in a library just looking at books or even time spent writing this blog.

( and yes sometimes very dark, very bitter, fair trade chocolate cake does come to mind)

treats

and while I'm here .... treats. Have you any idea how many people don't give themsleves treats when they worked had to achieve something ?

Too many is the answer.

I may declare myself the treats queen of the UK ans start a campaign to encourage people to think about ways of praising themselves for a job well done.

(Hint, it doesn't have to involve chocolate cake ..... it might be as simple as five minutes sitting in your car listening to a beautiful piece of music)

coaching again and again

This morning I'm thinking about coaching people who want help with something again and again. You'd think perhaps that if coaching didn't work the first time it would be better to find some other kind of support but that isn't alwasy necessary.

Sometimes it takes a while to find goals which are big enough to feel excited about but small enough to feel possible or at elast to find a combination of big audacious goals and smaller stepping stones. So if someone comes back for more coaching on the same issue I know we need to look at different ways of deciding on goals.

For some people that means tiny goals and lots of treats for a while to build up some confidence for bigger challenges but for other people it might mean a new updated look at the big picture ... is it really what the person wants ?

So coaching may facititate one change or some change in one area of life and by so doing create space for new dreams to see the light of day.

Returning to coaching again and again is a positive step not an indication that anyone or anything hasn't worked !

coffee break coaching

Just spent a happy hour reading coaching blogs. There are hundreds if not thousands so its hard to find those which might tell me more about my sort of coaching. I'm not a parent coach or an executive coach or even a football coach although I have coached parents, executives and people who play football (soccer that is I'm here in the North East of England)

So where to start; I decided to see what was available by telephone as I like coaching by phone. There's informaiton about coaching by email and by blog so I'll need to learn more about that, blog coaching is a new idea for me. And of course there's coaching when the coach comes to see you in your home or your office or you go to see them in their office. Face to face coaching seems to be most popular with business clients and telephone with people who want to be coached privately which I can understand although its expensive and time consuming and all my coaching is completley confidential.

So my next visit to planet blog will be to find out who is writing about telephone coaching. Why ? Because I've been pretty amazed by the power of life coaching or business coaching by telephone, whether its full forty five minute sessions or what I call coffee break coaching. This is when a client who has already agreed a big goal books two or three fifteen minutes coaching sessions a week to check in with me for extra support as they work towards some sort of stepping stone goal. For people who know what they want to achieve its a time effective way of using coaching. and for me as their personal coach its great as I get to cheer them one one step at a time.

I wonder if anyone else out there uses coffee break coaching by telephone ? and if so how does it work for you ?

A big question about coaching

The big question I've been asked twice this week is "Why should I spend my time and money on life or business coaching?" and any question asked twice in one week needs an answer.

So one answer is .... Well perhaps you don't. If your life is satisfying, you enjoy your work, have good relationships, plenty of money and generally feel everything is absolutely fine, then you probably don't need to find a coach or spend any money on coaching.

On the other hand if you don't really enjoy your work or you don't have a very satsfying social network, money's a worry or you just feel you're living the wrong life then coaching might be the springboard into something better.

And as a Restart Coach (www.coachingatthenextlevel.biz) I know coaching helped me find new ways to earn my living and have a lot more fun and I know there are lots of other people who have had the same sort of positive experience as well as people who haven't yet tried coaching.

I'm planning to blog around the questions which come up when I'm coaching to help spread some positive thinking and help anyone who hasn't tried coaching to find out more.

Dr Felicity