I've mentioned the first coaching session a couple of times recently but only in passing. If you really are feeling stuck contacting a coach might seem like a wise first step but if worries about the first session are putting you off ......
Most coaches offer a first session which is free and without any committment on either side. There will be some sharing of basic information ; contact details and how you found out about the coach for example and an opportunity for you to ask how the coach qualified and how long they've been coaching.
Then there will be some time for you to explain what you plan to gain from coaching ( your goal) so the coach can check you are talking to the right sort of coach and you can check the coach seems to ask you questions which focus your attention of the issue you have in your mind. The coach should explain any reasons they might have to decline coaching and how that might work and there'll be some discussion of costs.
Most coaches have a structure for all sessions although you may not be aware of that as its a framework not a script but however they work the focus should be on you and your issue. Before the end of the session you should have been guided towards an agreed action of your own choice; something you can do after the session which will move you one step towards your goal.
If the session felt supportive and challenging you may decide to request a series of sessions or you may not. Its up to you to decide if coaching is for you with this coach at this time and up to the coach to decide if they think they will be able to help you help yourself.
Sunday, 26 July 2009
Saturday, 25 July 2009
sleep, enough sleep, too much sleep
In response to your emails about sleep being an energy vampire ..... yes I agree and in an early coaching session at the next level ( see www.coachingatthenextlevel.biz for more details) I like to ask about sleep.
People who sleep well for about eight hours in every twenty four seem to feel happier, make fewer trips to their GP and live longer. The trouble with generally accepted truths lke that is we don't know which is cause and which is effect; perhaps feeling happy means we sleep better ? Or people in generally good health who don't feel the need to visit their GP often sleep better and so on.
But in general sleeping well is going to help a person restart their own life. So if a client feels stuck and unable to work out what to do first, I suggest they establish a regular pattern of sleep which seems right for them. I like to get up early and to do that I need to stop working, watching TV, talking about stimulating topics and so on by about 9.30pm. Then I have time to slow my brain down, often by reading something which requires little thought or writing in my journal before switching off the bedside light at about 11pm. I know that for some people that's more or less mid evening and if you can go to bed later and get up later that's fine. This is one time when a routine is helpful, going to bed and getting up at more or less the same time everyday seems to encourage easy sleep.
And what about naps ? As the queen of the mid day nap I can recommend a short "time out" in the middle of the day. Twenty to thirty minutes of doing nothing, nothing at all, after lunch gives me a real energy transfusion and doesn't disturb my sleep.
And then there's enough exercise and time outside to add to the equation ...... it can become a complex matter but it needn't be. Sleeping well is natural, babies do it, animals do it and by living as natural a life as possible we should be able to do it as well.
People who sleep well for about eight hours in every twenty four seem to feel happier, make fewer trips to their GP and live longer. The trouble with generally accepted truths lke that is we don't know which is cause and which is effect; perhaps feeling happy means we sleep better ? Or people in generally good health who don't feel the need to visit their GP often sleep better and so on.
But in general sleeping well is going to help a person restart their own life. So if a client feels stuck and unable to work out what to do first, I suggest they establish a regular pattern of sleep which seems right for them. I like to get up early and to do that I need to stop working, watching TV, talking about stimulating topics and so on by about 9.30pm. Then I have time to slow my brain down, often by reading something which requires little thought or writing in my journal before switching off the bedside light at about 11pm. I know that for some people that's more or less mid evening and if you can go to bed later and get up later that's fine. This is one time when a routine is helpful, going to bed and getting up at more or less the same time everyday seems to encourage easy sleep.
And what about naps ? As the queen of the mid day nap I can recommend a short "time out" in the middle of the day. Twenty to thirty minutes of doing nothing, nothing at all, after lunch gives me a real energy transfusion and doesn't disturb my sleep.
And then there's enough exercise and time outside to add to the equation ...... it can become a complex matter but it needn't be. Sleeping well is natural, babies do it, animals do it and by living as natural a life as possible we should be able to do it as well.
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
naming and shaming
Naming and shaming your energy vampires that is .......
Some of us like routine and some of us don't. Some of us allow routine to take over life so that what was once helpful becomes an energy vampire; a collection of shoulds and musts and always a critical parent in our imagination keeping us on schedule.
Yesterday I spoke to someone who now has their own successful business. After years in a well structured organisation where routines were accepted and custom and practice ensured everything ran smoothly he now manages his own time, working mostly from home.
He was saying that he finds a strict routine helpful until something makes it impossible to complete 100% and then he feels anxious because he doesn't know when to do what or what to do when. That anxiety is an energy vampire and he does often feel exhausted. In conversation we wondered what would happen if he let his strict routines go; if he woke up when he was ready, went for a run when he felt like it, made his marketing calls when he felt ready and so on ......... his face as he considered this was marvellous and I could see his personal energy returning.
He's off to try this out and we'll hear more about this in a later blog.
So naming and shaming energy vampire one; too much routine or an out of date routine. Try going with the flow for a few days and see what happens. Or if that seems to much, try a routine for just part of your day and allow sponteneity to rule for the rest of the day.
Some of us like routine and some of us don't. Some of us allow routine to take over life so that what was once helpful becomes an energy vampire; a collection of shoulds and musts and always a critical parent in our imagination keeping us on schedule.
Yesterday I spoke to someone who now has their own successful business. After years in a well structured organisation where routines were accepted and custom and practice ensured everything ran smoothly he now manages his own time, working mostly from home.
He was saying that he finds a strict routine helpful until something makes it impossible to complete 100% and then he feels anxious because he doesn't know when to do what or what to do when. That anxiety is an energy vampire and he does often feel exhausted. In conversation we wondered what would happen if he let his strict routines go; if he woke up when he was ready, went for a run when he felt like it, made his marketing calls when he felt ready and so on ......... his face as he considered this was marvellous and I could see his personal energy returning.
He's off to try this out and we'll hear more about this in a later blog.
So naming and shaming energy vampire one; too much routine or an out of date routine. Try going with the flow for a few days and see what happens. Or if that seems to much, try a routine for just part of your day and allow sponteneity to rule for the rest of the day.
Tuesday, 21 July 2009
energy vampires
I overheard someone using this phrase this morning and I love it.
One of the most difficult issues to coach around is feeling exhausted or burnt out because when we feel exhausted we do not want to do anything except lie around hoping life will soon improve.
Havigng a medical check up might thus be the first step towards a better life as might sorting out your diet and sleep patterns. Assuming that's all about right seeking out your energy vampires and getting rid of them might be your next step.
What sort of situations make you feel tired ? Are their particular places or tasks or people which seem to drain your energy ?
I find negativity of anykind acts like a vampire, people who see the worst in everything in particular drain my energy and I need to balance time with people like that with people who see joyful possibilities everywhere. Many of those people are children I have to say who experience joy in puddles and picnics, smiles in waking up and walking home. Animals seem to draw joy to them and everyone we meet smiles when my dog bounces over to say hello. Its adults who seem to allow their own energy vampires to take over.
So perhaps before we can really get going on some active life planning we need to check out our own energy vampires and remove them from our everyday lives.
One of the most difficult issues to coach around is feeling exhausted or burnt out because when we feel exhausted we do not want to do anything except lie around hoping life will soon improve.
Havigng a medical check up might thus be the first step towards a better life as might sorting out your diet and sleep patterns. Assuming that's all about right seeking out your energy vampires and getting rid of them might be your next step.
What sort of situations make you feel tired ? Are their particular places or tasks or people which seem to drain your energy ?
I find negativity of anykind acts like a vampire, people who see the worst in everything in particular drain my energy and I need to balance time with people like that with people who see joyful possibilities everywhere. Many of those people are children I have to say who experience joy in puddles and picnics, smiles in waking up and walking home. Animals seem to draw joy to them and everyone we meet smiles when my dog bounces over to say hello. Its adults who seem to allow their own energy vampires to take over.
So perhaps before we can really get going on some active life planning we need to check out our own energy vampires and remove them from our everyday lives.
Friday, 17 July 2009
I've tried that before
Earlier this week I found myself at a business lunch chatting with someone who wanted to know if I'd help her with some career planning. I asked her what sort of life she'd like to be leading in five years' time and she seemed rather perplexed. "I've tried that before" she said.
I wasn't quite sure what she meant; did she have a plan but felt stalled, had she tried to define a goal on her own but found it too much of a challenge or was she hoping I could help her with some career planning as if it were her whole life and not just part of her life.
Many people who come into coaching have achieved much in their lives. They have named goals, created some sort of plan and then set off on a journey to achieve their goals. In that sense we have all "tried that before".
But with a different context, in a different time, with a different coach perhaps, if you want to change your life in any way, you have to first decide to do it and then you need an idea of the life you'd really like. Only when you have that idea, named, discussed or written or drawn in a journal can you begin to plan steps of the right size to move you into the life you'd prefer.
An hour later I happened to see the same person busily making notes and when I asked her what they were she said "I've just had some new ideas about what I might want to do next" !
I wasn't quite sure what she meant; did she have a plan but felt stalled, had she tried to define a goal on her own but found it too much of a challenge or was she hoping I could help her with some career planning as if it were her whole life and not just part of her life.
Many people who come into coaching have achieved much in their lives. They have named goals, created some sort of plan and then set off on a journey to achieve their goals. In that sense we have all "tried that before".
But with a different context, in a different time, with a different coach perhaps, if you want to change your life in any way, you have to first decide to do it and then you need an idea of the life you'd really like. Only when you have that idea, named, discussed or written or drawn in a journal can you begin to plan steps of the right size to move you into the life you'd prefer.
An hour later I happened to see the same person busily making notes and when I asked her what they were she said "I've just had some new ideas about what I might want to do next" !
Tuesday, 14 July 2009
do what can be done
Another problem which I sometimes hear about in my coaching sessions, often with the most successful people is aiming to restart life after a setback with a HUGE goal.
Recently I coached someone who had been ill, began to feel well enough to return to full time work and then decided to start a new hobby and write a book at the same time and fast. Her reasoning was that she'd lost time when ill and needed to catch up quickly now. I wasn't sure with whom she was trying to catch up but I was pretty sure that after a period of being really stuck, its best to start by doing what can be done. Nothing too difficult, nothing too big. The key is to find a way forward by doing what can be done and then finding something else that can be done and doing it and so on.
You might have a HUGE goal as your guiding star but you need to regain confidence, energy and strength by planning to do what can be done in such a way that you follow your guiding star at a speed which enables you to succeed.
The person who comes to mind here is the soldier who, having been seriously injured, recently completed the London Marathon one day at a time over two weeks. He said he thought only about the distance he'd be doing one day at a time so he could enjoy his achievement every night when he could rest his weary body, knowing that he'd reached his goal for that day.
His focus was on what he could do one day at a time and he celebrated doing just that ( not sure if he too had chocolate cake) and he did reach his big goal as well.
What a role model for us all.
Recently I coached someone who had been ill, began to feel well enough to return to full time work and then decided to start a new hobby and write a book at the same time and fast. Her reasoning was that she'd lost time when ill and needed to catch up quickly now. I wasn't sure with whom she was trying to catch up but I was pretty sure that after a period of being really stuck, its best to start by doing what can be done. Nothing too difficult, nothing too big. The key is to find a way forward by doing what can be done and then finding something else that can be done and doing it and so on.
You might have a HUGE goal as your guiding star but you need to regain confidence, energy and strength by planning to do what can be done in such a way that you follow your guiding star at a speed which enables you to succeed.
The person who comes to mind here is the soldier who, having been seriously injured, recently completed the London Marathon one day at a time over two weeks. He said he thought only about the distance he'd be doing one day at a time so he could enjoy his achievement every night when he could rest his weary body, knowing that he'd reached his goal for that day.
His focus was on what he could do one day at a time and he celebrated doing just that ( not sure if he too had chocolate cake) and he did reach his big goal as well.
What a role model for us all.
Sunday, 12 July 2009
and sometimes its all too much
This morning I've been coaching someone who finshed her PhD a few weeks ago and hasn't yet found a job. She was very upset at the start of our conversation and found answering my questions really hard because she wanted a job now and if I couldn't get her a job what was the point of talking.
Sometimes feeling stuck, feeling stalled is just too much and you need to take a break. A week off even a day off, simple food, fresh air, time with friends and plenty of sleep can make a huge difference because when we are exhausted everything is too much.
So if you feel its all too much, take a break, find a treat ( back to chocolate cake again) talk to someone about how you feel but mostly be kind to yourself for a day or two.
If it feels too much ......... it is ..... today . Tomorrow could be different.
Sometimes feeling stuck, feeling stalled is just too much and you need to take a break. A week off even a day off, simple food, fresh air, time with friends and plenty of sleep can make a huge difference because when we are exhausted everything is too much.
So if you feel its all too much, take a break, find a treat ( back to chocolate cake again) talk to someone about how you feel but mostly be kind to yourself for a day or two.
If it feels too much ......... it is ..... today . Tomorrow could be different.
Thursday, 9 July 2009
and one more
So if you have taken one small step and it is becoming a new habit, well done (say that to yourself in whatever way works for you).If you've been getting off the bus one stop away from your office and walking a bit further than usual, well done. If you made time to phone someone for a chat and then phoned someone esle for another chat another day,well done. If you tidied up one part of your desk at the end of each day, well done. These small changes quickly become habits and then you can select another small step which will take you just a bit closer to the life you'd really like.
Some people are very ambitious and find small steps frustrating so the size of the change you want to make is negotiable. But if your life had stalled and you were very stuck, beware of choosing something which really is too difficult at this time. You don't want to set out to do something unless you can do it until you've reconnected with your self confidence.
Be creative about the stpes you choose, be creative and suit yourself. What works for me might not work for you so although clients often ask me what they should do, as a coach my answers will usually be questions. Questions to help the person make their own choices in their own time so they are living their own life
Some people are very ambitious and find small steps frustrating so the size of the change you want to make is negotiable. But if your life had stalled and you were very stuck, beware of choosing something which really is too difficult at this time. You don't want to set out to do something unless you can do it until you've reconnected with your self confidence.
Be creative about the stpes you choose, be creative and suit yourself. What works for me might not work for you so although clients often ask me what they should do, as a coach my answers will usually be questions. Questions to help the person make their own choices in their own time so they are living their own life
Sunday, 5 July 2009
take just one step
So what's the basis of restart coaching then ? That's often the first question people ask when I talk about "feeling stalled" or "derailed plans". I find some people get used to feeling stalled or trapped very quickly and assume, "that's it ... this is my life and there's no point in trying to change anything."
I disagree
There is a small but powerful question which can help ....... "If you could do one thing to move yourself forward just one step towards your imagined better life, what would that be ?" That's it ..... that's the magic question.
If you can find one small action which you believe would move you forward and you do it, then you have started your new life. If might be phoning your bank to make an appointment to discuss chaotic finances, it might be walking home from work , it might be having a piece of fruit before breakfast or starting a journal, anything which helps you feel a sense of a new beginning will work. Do it once and then either do it again or plan the next small step.
As soon as you've taken that action and praised yourself for starting you have changed your world for the better.
Coaching can take you on from that point but the first step is your own.Tto anyone feeling stalled or trapped today, make one tiny change and let me know what happens.
I disagree
There is a small but powerful question which can help ....... "If you could do one thing to move yourself forward just one step towards your imagined better life, what would that be ?" That's it ..... that's the magic question.
If you can find one small action which you believe would move you forward and you do it, then you have started your new life. If might be phoning your bank to make an appointment to discuss chaotic finances, it might be walking home from work , it might be having a piece of fruit before breakfast or starting a journal, anything which helps you feel a sense of a new beginning will work. Do it once and then either do it again or plan the next small step.
As soon as you've taken that action and praised yourself for starting you have changed your world for the better.
Coaching can take you on from that point but the first step is your own.Tto anyone feeling stalled or trapped today, make one tiny change and let me know what happens.
Restart coaching
One of the aspects of coaching I always used to enjoy was restart coaching. This is when someone had faced something which completely derailed their plans or halted their dream and everything seemed to stop.
Coaching seemed to be an excellent way to enable the person move from a standing start into do able action to promote their own recovery as quickly as possible.
This blog is an example.
In the last year all my plans had to change as someone in my family became seriously ill. At first we were all working to see her recover but in the autumn we had to accept that wasn't going to happen. So from a situation of living according to a list of my own priorities, only living more slowly I had to put many things on hold and live a very different life for a while; just getting by really as my Mother's priorities became family priorities.
It would have been easy to remain stalled after her death earlier this year; to have given up coaching and other satisfying activities to settle for just getting by because "just getting by" can become a habit.
Fortunately coaching also becomes a habit and it wasn't long before I wanted to get back in touch with my own passion to have the best life possible and turned to self coaching for help. Several weeks down the line and I'm once again coaching, with great pleasure, and adding more to my everyday life each day, even more aware of how important it is to live each day to the full.
Once again I have reminded myself of the power of coaching; the questions, the techniques the whole mindset. Once we know how to "think coaching " we have a rich supportive resource for when we feel derailed.
I've used restart coaching for myself and here I am !
Coaching seemed to be an excellent way to enable the person move from a standing start into do able action to promote their own recovery as quickly as possible.
This blog is an example.
In the last year all my plans had to change as someone in my family became seriously ill. At first we were all working to see her recover but in the autumn we had to accept that wasn't going to happen. So from a situation of living according to a list of my own priorities, only living more slowly I had to put many things on hold and live a very different life for a while; just getting by really as my Mother's priorities became family priorities.
It would have been easy to remain stalled after her death earlier this year; to have given up coaching and other satisfying activities to settle for just getting by because "just getting by" can become a habit.
Fortunately coaching also becomes a habit and it wasn't long before I wanted to get back in touch with my own passion to have the best life possible and turned to self coaching for help. Several weeks down the line and I'm once again coaching, with great pleasure, and adding more to my everyday life each day, even more aware of how important it is to live each day to the full.
Once again I have reminded myself of the power of coaching; the questions, the techniques the whole mindset. Once we know how to "think coaching " we have a rich supportive resource for when we feel derailed.
I've used restart coaching for myself and here I am !
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